When Prom Dresses Attack

So, it's prom season, and I'm looking to see "what the kids are wearing these days," since my very own prom was over a decade ago, and also, I didn't even attend it! (I was too busy doing dorky Jewish Leadership Stuff! And I looked totally like Blossom, to make the dorky Jewish Leadership Stuff even more dorky!)

Anyway, here are just a few of the monstrosities I discovered.



($49, Cybergown.com)
This chick is totally gonna get voted Most Likely To Work at a Renaissance Faire The Summer After High School. And there's a reason this dress is only $49.



($79, Cybergown.com)
Most Likely To Still Wet the Bed



($278, Xcite, cbslimited.com)
While there's no question that this dress is completely vulgar, I'd like to draw your attention to the set. WTF? Is that a walk-in tanning booth???



($430, Excite, Simplydresses.com)
Again with the weird tanning/ spa situation. Two in the tub is more fun than one! And these dresses are such a flagrant violation of sense and sensibility that they're ALMOST fun. (Almost.)



($217, Bedazzle, Loralie.com)
From afar there's nothing wrong at all with this one. I LOVE that timeless look of the strapless, drop waist with tulle skirt. BUT. Look more closely. Those flowers are HIDEOUS and SO early '90s. Like the Limited Too puked down the front of an otherwise darling dress. Boo.



($295, Alyce, Therosedress.com)
"I'm not like a regular mom, okay? I'm a cool mom."



($89, Cybernetplaza.com)
Mmm... 100% polyester chiffon... And the choker really adds that little touch of je nais se quoi.



($119, La Femme, Promgirl.com)
The harlequin with lamp lawn lantern look is huge this season.



($59, cybergown.com)
Now don't you think this is just the perfect example of the type of thing that would send the Messiah STRAIGHT back to where s/he came from should s/he alight upon the earth and find THIS garbage roaming the halls of our educational institutions?? Shit, I know I'd be on the first flight back to heaven.



WTF is going on with that dude in the background???




Oooh! Jazzzzay!!!



($389, Promgirl.com)
Most Likely To Work At An Escort Service After Graduation. Don't you just love the "Who me???" pose?



($318, La Femme, tjformal.com)
Most Likely To Already Work At An Escort Agency



($69, Cybergown.com)
Most Likely To Get Pregnant On Prom Night



($389, Promgirl.com)
Most Likely... To Not Be Asked To Prom



($199, Cybergown.com)
Oh fuck no.



($259, Cybergown.com)
They're all gonna laugh at you!


Okay. I just can't do it anymore. My eyes are about to bleed rainbow sequins.


I leave you with a dress I actually LIKE:

($500, Jovani, eDressme.com)